Christine Benvenuto is the author of SEX CHANGES: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On (St. Martin’s Press, 2012) and SHIKSA: The Gentile Woman in the Jewish World (St. Martin’s Press, 2004). Her fiction and essays have appeared in many publications.

Buy SEX CHANGES, or read a sample:

35 responses to “About

  1. Thank you so much for your book. It was enormously helpful to me and I found so much in common with you despite big differences in religion and lifestyle. As I heal I have started my own blog on going through a divorce with a MtF at https://transwidow.wordpress.com.

    I would like to note that I am not the same commenter who used “Trans Widow” as a user name elsewhere on this page although we seem to have chosen the same name.

  2. SadWife

    I vote that you remove LuLu’s comments above. “Her” exhausting point of view is well represented all over the web. This is a space for yours.

  3. SadWife

    I am in the midst of reading your book and am in a similar situation. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for telling the other side of the story. Sometimes it seems that no one in the world cares about our grief and loss.

    • Thank you for writing. I feel so sad myself when I read this about your experience. I did once hope that bringing my story to light would lead to more understanding and support for other women in similiar circumstances. Overly optimistic I guess.

      Wishing you strength and all good things going forward.

  4. Elle

    My pleasure—I hope it was as much of a balm to your soul as it was to mine.

  5. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sending me this.

  6. Elle

    If you have not yet seen this, you really should—I would have given anything to hear this woman when my husband “came out”!

    • Lulu

      Hoo-wee (!) that is one angry woman but I sympathize with her completely!

      The big problem here is that although she is angry and we instinctively understand her feminine sense of betrayal and anger she has not really rationally articulated why we should dis-believe the propaganda machine around Caitlyn-Bruce Jenner and until you do that you’re just venting pure anger quite uselessly.

      There are “true” MtF transsexuals out there but it is a rare condition associated entirely with natural effeminacy or “gayness” in males which affects about 1 male per 1000 but only about 5% of these are fully transsexualized.

      When you meet a natural born “queen” you know see it immediately
      and we are like that from very early childhood without any interruptions
      and we tend to go through the whole little-girl experience of being “mummy’s little helper” and gravitating to the company of women
      and we tend to get into occupations like hair-dressing and so on
      but most “gay queens” settle into the life of an effeminate gay male person
      with only a few crossing over to assume a social identity as a “woman”.

      However we tend to be quite wifely and the only natural female person we would ever marry would be perhaps a very butch “dyke” but mostly we look for the same kind of husbands straight women prefer.

      The problem is that delusional autogynephiles like CBJ will also invade our little category of transsexuality by claiming to also be “transsexual” in order to legitimize their own fetishistic interest in assuming a somewhat tarty feminine appearance for their own erotic pleasure and that is what has happened with CBJ:- the correct psychiatric diagnosis for CBJ is “transvestic disorder” as per the DSM-5.

      I could go on and on dissecting CBJ to refute his claim of being a “woman”
      but basically you are what you do in life and not what you look like:-
      CBJ has not done the usual little-girl apprenticeship and socialization process needed to graduate to being a “woman” (which really only pre-gay little boys also do) and has not paid his share of the dues of membership in the community of women by dealing with his share of the poop which women always get stuck with and which is usually dumped on them by men.

      The only valid model of gender identity is the community model which deals with gender identity as a form of membership in a community which defines itself in certain ways and certainly CBJ has done nothing to establish his membership in the community of women by sharing in the collective life experiences typical for women.

      Unfortunately that is a very intellectual view which does not interest the Hollywood celebrity media machine so we are going to get an endless torrent of drivel telling us how “brave” CBJ is and how much of a “transgender pioneer” he is and so on.

      I wish I could find a way to prick this stupid CBJ promotional balloon
      and let all the hot air out of it but I cannot and we are stuck with it until the public gets tired of its fascination with CBJ.

      If CBJ had claimed to be the reincarnation of Elvis Presley the public would have no trouble understanding that CBJ has gone cuckoo but he is very effectively using the very real phenomenon of transsexuality combined with the public’s lack of understanding of true transsexuality
      to get away with calling himself “transsexual” and “transgendered” to perpetrate a big con on all of us and to make a huge bundle of money out of it.

  7. Lulu

    Hi, well said! In fact this sounds like something I would say (are you telepathic?). Bruce Jenner is another example of this phenomenon:- a delusional straight guy whose idea of being a “woman” is to wear a bra under his very masculine leather jacket while driving his very masculine motorcycle in a very masculine way over a rough back road (a real tough butch broad there!). Btw, please do not conflate transsexuality with transgenderism:- If you have ever met a “true transsexual” queen there is no way you would ever equate her to your ex-husband (or Bruce Jenner). Part of the reason guys like your ex and BJ get away with it is because very few people have ever actually encountered a true transsexual queen so they have no standard of reference to refer to and they can be taken in so easily.

  8. I’m so glad you wrote this book (have just started it). Wives of autogynephiles, with their narcissism, arrogance, bullying and extreme selfishness, need to be heard. You are the brave one to have survived this mess and write about it. The fact that your ex-husband, who likely transitioned due to a sexual fetish, tries to fly under the banner of LGBT rights is disgusting and takes a lot of gall. Shame on the cult-like trans-supporters for trying to silence anyone who speaks the truth.

  9. Lulu

    Hi, could you provide me with an email address where I could send emails to you directly?

    I found your book “Sex Changes” very interesting and I’m glad you published it

    since the viewpoint of deserted wives like yourself has been ignored too much until now.

    However one of the major deficiencies in your book is that it conflates transsexuality with transgenderism

    and you obviously have not done enough research into this topic and reviewed the 90+ years of clinical literature on this topic

    and the result is that you are using your ex-husband as your point of reference in your thinking about this subject.

    However this is a big mistake because your husband is actually not a true transsexual

    and is merely a delusional autogynephile who has become addicted to recreational erotic cross-dressing

    and engages in the compulsive and aggressive self-justifying behavior typical of all hard-core addicts.

    You really need to find and describe a few true transsexual queens and use them as your point of reference

    to properly portray your ex-husband as being seriously mentally ill since he and his kind are nothing like true transsexual queens

    although they have invaded the transsexual category and appropriated its terminology to describe themselves

    (much like “White” people invaded America and shoved its aboriginal inhabitants out of the way

    while appropriating for themselves some of their cultural symbols and terminology).

    True transsexuality is actually quite rare with an incidence of only about 60 per million

    and they tend to have a very high death rate in adolescence due to suicide and the extreme adolescent gender dysphoria which they suffer

    combined often with extreme social bullying.

    It is virtually impossible that a straight woman like yourself would ever marry a true transsexual queen

    since even in pants they come across as very effeminate and ultra-gay males

    although you would have no problem in having a very sisterly relationship with one or letting her do your hair and so on:-

    please keep in mind that transsexuality as originally defined described a sexual-orientation condition which is why the word looks the way it does

    and it was originally intended to be a more clinically accurate way to describe

    what informally might be called “ultra-gayness” or “queen-ness” (or “queenliness”) in naturally effeminate males

    (and also “butchness” in naturally butch females).

    I know what I’m talking about here because I am a true “gay transsexual queen” who has had a classic transsexual life-history

    (complete with the intense adolescent gender dysphoria which you really need to experience personally to fully understand)

    and delusional straight guys like your ex-husband not only oppress unfortunate women like yourself

    but they also invade and oppress true transsexuals like myself and also natural lesbian women (by calling themselves “lesbian trans-women”)

    and sometimes they even try to invade the intersex category and become oppressive to CAIS women and so on.

    What I would like to suggest is that perhaps it is time for deserted wives like yourself to form a coalition with these other oppressed groups to neutralize this transvestite oppression:-

    I reside in a little corner of the gay world called “true transsexuality” which was long ago invaded by bossy domineering heterosexual invaders from the Transvestite Empire

    but I would much rather be a free citizen of the Gay Commonwealth than to be an abject subject of the Transvestite Empire

    but if I express that wish out loud I will also be villified by the same forces of Political Correctness which villify natural women like yourself

    so I’m glad someone is finally standing up to that PC monster which crushes the natural logic of our lives in favor of pandering to a gang of delusional transvestites like your ex-husband

    (oh dear me, I must sound like I’m writing a transsexual declaration of independence here!).

    One thing you could do is to write a sequel which could be called “Transsexuality:- a natural history” to discuss this whole field in a more general way for the general public

    and to educate the thinking public to understand that people like your husband are really mentally ill and not truly transsexual.

    Another thing you could do is to use the new DSM-5 to pursue legal claims against the various healthcare professionals

    who inappropriately provided your ex-husband with the elements of “gender reconciliation therapy” and thus indirectly contributed to your marital breakup:-

    that would be expensive although you might find a feminist lawyer who will do it on a contingency basis (ie you don’t pay until if and when you win)

    but it would send a chill through the whole “gender transition” industry and encourage healthcare professionals to behave more responsibly in future.

    Healthcare professionals such as psychiatrists have themselves been badly confused in the past

    about the distinction between transsexuality and autogynephilia and have tended to conflate these two very different conditions,

    as per the “gender identity disorder” specified by the DSM-4,

    but the DSM-5 is finally getting it right and has divided “gender identity disorder” into “gender dysphoria” and “transvestic disorder”

    which are in separate chapters

    and it is now clear that the “gender reconciliation therapy” which is appropriate for treating “gender dysphoria”

    is totally incorrect for treating “transvestic disorder” which is basically a form of addictive behavior.

    On that basis you could, for example, sue a physician who prescribed sex hormones to your ex-husband for medical malpractice which contributed to your marital breakup

    and have a very good chance of winning a big settlement

    while putting a chill on this whole industry of inappropriately prescribing sex hormones to straight guys who should not be getting them

    and I would really like to see someone do that.

    I could go on here for a long time but I think I have said enough for now

    and if you want to continue this conversation please reply and also give me an email address where I can write to you.

    Thank you.

  10. Elle

    Dear Christine,
    I too am a trans-widow, and I am interested in reading your book. I am wondering, does it contain resources for help and support for the woman whose world has been shattered? The things I find online all seem to be pushing the trans Kool-Aid (telling women how we can “support her”). I sometimes feel like I am in the Twilight Zone.
    Much thanks.

    • Dear Elle,

      I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I too searched for resources and found none specific to my situation. Over time, caring friends got me through it all. You too will survive and thrive. Depending upon where you live, there may a support group – as you say, finding one without its own agenda is challenging, and I never did. If there isn’t, you have to make the resources available to people expereiencing divorce and other kinds of loss work for you as best they can. It isn’t ideal, I know. I wish I could offer more. It’s a form of loss only a few of us truly understand. My very best wishes to you. Christine

      • Trans Widow

        Dear Christine,

        I can not thank you enough for sharing your experience. Yours is the one and only voice I found that matched my own. My own young marriage recently imploded, taking with it the life that I had come to know. The life that I loved. I, too, found myself thrust into the world of being the “widow” of the transgender MTF husband. Your voice is our voice, and it is the voice that I feel has unfairly had the mute button pushed as our society is coming to terms with their own thoughts on transgenderism. With every word that I read of your book, I heard myself. You spoke the words that I longed to share, that I longed to scream out in anguish, but had no audience to share them with. This is a journey through hell and back. Like others who have written to you in the above comments, I too only found “support” in blogs that told me that my ex was the victim and that I needed to support her through her transition. This is something that I have lamented since the day my husband first told me he wanted to be the ex-wife I never knew I had. I suffered alone, with the little help that my family and friends could offer. The problem is, that because ours is such a unique situation, people don’t know how to offer help. Instead of having troops rally around me, I found myself thrust into a world of people who cared about my ex so much that they expected me to forgive her, accept her, and move on in support of her life, just as they had done. It is a heartbreakingly painful place to be in when your world is shattered by someone else, who then has the love and support of your own family and friends. Like you, I too have moved on to the other side with scars that will always remind me of a life that was a lie. Your book is the only written glimmer of hope that I have seen to let me know that we are not the forgotten few, tossed to the side in someone else’s story. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being the voice in a situation that no one can truly understand unless they lived through it. Your words have given me a strength that I have yet to find anywhere else, and I cannot thank you enough for that. You had the courage that many of us do not, to face the world with words that speak our truth.

      • Thank you so much for reading and responding to the book. You, and all those (few) of us who know this story from the inside out, are why I wrote and published it. Wishing you all the best!

    • You have to join the Straight Spouse network or contact me on angelsforce@email.com. http://www.how-to-attract-a-real.man.com God bless.

      • Carlene Hill Byron

        Hmm … in my experience, the Straight Spouse network was about helping me reconcile to the idea that “she” was still the same person etc. Was your experience different?

      • Yes, very different indeed, as I describe in the book. Thanks for reaching out.

      • Carlene Hill Byron

        So funny how much/little we remember from the midst of it all. I remember reading your book, being sympathetic to the challenge of remaining in your community (whose character is a bit familiar to me), and grateful you’d written/frustrated there were so few public voices. But that’s about all. It’s quite a whirl when you’re in it.

      • It is a blur to be sure. I’m not sure what I’d remember if I hadn’t been writing it down!

  11. Skp

    My husband told me 5 months ago, when our baby was 7 months old and I had a severe post natal depression that he was trans. I am still reeling. I read your book from cover to cover yesterday and recognised much of your ex’s behaviour in the experiences I have had with my husband. Your strength and ability to keep going has given me hope. Is it possible to contact you by email to continue this message? Best wishes.

  12. IsabelleP

    I just read your piece ‘Staying in the Same Town as My Ex’ by pure coincidence while searching for something else on the web. I found your post very touching and introspective, and before I had any idea it was the center of so much controversy I was simply thinking to myself that you write in really beautiful, clear prose.

    As I read, I was reminded how sometimes even the most loving fathers can be absent in some ways from your life, because it is the mother, not the father who has the visceral connection to their child. I was also reminded that often blinded by our struggle to be at peace with ourselves, we transsexuals often lose sight of how we are hurting those closest to us.

    I’m a transgendered woman now in my mid thirties, and in my late twenties, I was jobless, rejected from my faith, almost homeless, suffering depression, and contemplating prostitution and suicide. At the time, only the fear of eternal hell for suicide kept me alive. It wasn’t an extraordinary development for a transsexual in a conservative setting, but eventually I realized that I would not be the only one to die. The people I love would die as well, so I chose to live. But above all I realized that transitioning to the other sex, despite its often fatalistic narrative and mass appeal, is by its very nature a selfish act. It is a forced hand, yes, but it is done for my sanity, my tears, and my own life — and it is done at the cost of, and with often anguished disregard for the feelings of those around us. Not that all selfish acts are avoidable. I myself eventually transitioned, a far less miserable version of myself now, but I simply cannot close my eyes and pretend I didn’t hurt my family, my friends, and a girl I once dated hoping my feelings would go away, who loved me as a man, who I loved as a dear friend, but could not bring myself to love her in turn physically. I wanted children very dearly, but I could not chance ruining her life for mine. I was also perhaps my parent’s only hope of grandchildren, and though I have made some peace with it now, and they never mention it anymore even in passing, it hurts so much still whenever I see a young mother with her child.

    While I applaud the transgender movement for freeing an oppressed minority, and I am indebted to it, there are so many things that are being unscrupulously swept under the rug — such as how incredibly easy it is to start HRT in most parts of the world by simply lying to your doctor some of your past, how vague the current standards of care can be in practice, how little the doctors actually know of this phenomenon despite claims by the budding trans generation that ‘natal brain sex’ is their vindication (Yes, some people are probably born with inverted brain sex, but activists conveniently omit the fact that most of those scanned pictures of the transsexual brain on the web are taken after many years of brain-feminizing HRT), how late-onset transsexuals keep trying to group themselves with early-onset transsexuals to the latters’ distress, how a surprising number of crossdressers and transvestites who were by their own admission comfortably and perfectly male and married once, somehow unearth their feminine self and end up as transsexuals (how thin the line actually is between CDs, TVs, and TGs: an inside joke in trans circles: [Q] What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual? [A] Two years!), how a surprisingly large number of transsexuals are ‘homosexual’ (e.g., lesbian mtfs, gay ftms) in their sexual preference compared to the cis-gender population, how many transsexuals unconsciously reconstruct their past based on hindsight and pass it off as truth, etc., but most relevantly in this case, how really unfair and cruel it is to label your frank confession of hurt feelings toward someone who left you after promising to be with you for eternity, who wrongly made you feel inadequate as a wife, as transphobic.

    The journey matters more than the destination, and I believe that wisdom applies to both our individual transitions and the transgender rights movement. If every transsexual ends up losing their humanity in their pain, transsexualism is nothing more than a pathology, and it should remain in the DSM. Conscious omission IS lying, and the transgender movement like all human efforts is not virtue incarnate. It does not command moral highground particularly against those we have inadvertently hurt in our transitions. It is our individual and collective burden in the movement to acknowledge not only our own humanity, rights and feelings, but those of our loved ones as well. All else is hypocrisy and a sham. If anything, and if empathy is a feminine trait, your ex’s callousness is the exact opposite of the ‘femininity’ that perhaps he/she so desperately tried to reclaim.

    And after much sorrow, a parent will eventually lose a son but gain a daughter, a sibling can embrace a new sister, but a spouse of a trans person cannot often replace her husband with a female reincarnation. You have every right to feel angry and hurt, Christine.

    I read your post again after writing this, and my view hasn’t changed. You never disparaged once your husband’s transgenderism, nor made light of it. You simply conveyed your feelings beautifully, and I pray that in the end everything turns out for the best. May God’s blessing be with you and your beautiful children!!

  13. beentheredonethatmom

    I am looking into your story after hearing OnBeing. I am hoping I can express my complete befuddlement with gender reassignment here without being branded a whatever-phobic.
    I think it would be awesome to go through life as a man. I would like to be taken seriously, to be taller and stronger, and to make more money.
    But wait a minute, I don’t wear makeup, have short hair and never wear dresses. Does this mean I am trans? Of course not. That’s what I don’t get. Regardless of what gender I am, I am still me with all my quirks and problems. Maybe to be taken more seriously, I should work on try being more assertive. I won’t get any taller, but to be stronger I could work out more, and to make more money I could get a master’s, you know, instead of mutilating my body. If a person’s body is healthy, then it isn’t the problem.
    And I don’t want to seem like I am making light of the situation, but ohmygoodness it doesn’t work! All those hormones, surgeries, whatever… he/she doesn’t look or sound any more like a woman than if he/she would have just gotten a makeover. I am so sorry you had to go through all this, Christine.

  14. Efraim

    As a generally liberal person, it frustrates me to no end that the wreckage caused by those who come out as LGBT (mid-life) can’t be discussed without the words “homophobic” and “transphobic” being whipped out. I have seen first-hand the enormous suffering caused by this situation; in both cases, the man and woman who came out have moved on to fulfilling relationships. The ex-husband and ex-wife, on the other hand, are left depressed and lonely. Their experiences are not validated by the LGBT community and the academic world (of which I am a part). And there is almost always the suggestion that since the spouse frequently knew of their partner’s orientation, they married with the full knowledge that they might get dumped someday.
    I heard an interview with your ex-husband, and I was disappointed that she framed your suffering—and that of your children—as “their experience”; such an experience (losing your husband and father) would be objectively difficult for anybody. This is not something that humans would interpret in disparate ways.
    I look forward to reading your book about Judaism. As the product of a mixed marriage (Jewish father, Catholic mother), I have always felt that the organized Jewish community wants us to just go away. They would rather we don’t exist. And the Reform movement’s theoretical openness to patrilineal descent is quite different from the closed-mindedness and rejection we face on a daily basis.

  15. SierraShriver

    Hi, Ms. Benvenuto. I heard your ex-husband’s latest interview on NPR this morning and was struck by the selfishness and arrogance. I dug a bit deeper online after the interview. WOW. The word “transphobic” is thrown around like confetti, being used to describe everyone who even dares to express displeasure at the idea of their marriage imploding at the whim of their husband. I, too, went through some pretty harrowing stuff during my “marriage,” but nothing like the challenges you’ve had. I wish you and your children peace.

    (Side note to Helene Barclay: I admire your courage, selflessness and ability to look beyond your own immediate needs and desires to look after those of your wife and children. It’s more that a lot of people are able to do.)

    • Thank you so much for your support. You can’t imagine – or actually maybe you can – how frustrating it is to try to survive and to help children survive these experiences while the perpetrator is actually celebrated in the media. Supporters like you keep me going.

  16. I honour your courage. Be well.

  17. I have just read an extract of your book from the Guardian newspaper, originally published in the United Kingdom during November 2012. I think it fair to say I was completely devastated by your story though compelled to read on as the unfolding story was truly painful and heartbreaking. I will be ordering the book this morning to read the story in its entirety as the extract I read is such an open honest account of a situation I have done my best to avoid. Your words have strengthened my resolve. You describe everything I would never wish to happen.

    I am one of those husbands who is transsexual but that knowledge terrified me since I was a teenager. In my late twenties I fell in love and formed a relationship with a woman and now have a family. Since the age of twenty four I suppressed my inner desire to be female and I have genuinely enjoyed my relationship with my wife. I cannot deny though that despite my efforts that inner desire to be a woman failed to diminish.

    Twelve years ago I knew I had to do something as it was beginning to affect my ability to function and I made big efforts at home and work to continue my regular life. The problem for me was I liked my life with my wife and family and really enjoyed my job. I came up with a solution that I felt may work but it did mean I had to tell my wife and daughters as I had previously failed to admit I was transsexual so this was going to come as a shock.

    I genuinely believe life is all about the ability to make and live with compromise, otherwise the world would be impossibly selfish. I thought a compromise could indeed work but I knew the priority was my wife’s feelings and a stable family life yet I needed to free my female self somehow. Also, I had no urge to ruin my current life.

    My solution, and it is undeniably selfish, was to become a transvestite. As a cross-dresser I could indulge in my desire to be a woman but on a temporary reversible basis. I won’t pretend my admission of planning to cross-dress as an outlet for my suppressed transsexualism was easy to admit to and it hurt my wife more than I could bear once I told her. I almost decided to give up at that point but it was too late now I had admitted to wanting to be a woman on occasion. The genie was out of the bottle. Also, I knew the desire was with me for life, it was never going to leave me.

    What I’m attempting to say, rather ineptly, is that there is a way to be transsexual and not lose your wife and family. The key is putting them first and maintaining perspective and not to push it in their faces. I have been a transvestite for twelve years now and I rarely cross-dress. I only dress as a woman about two times a year. This is difficult as I have strong desires but it also means I do not lose all I hold precious in my life.

    Yes, I would prefer to be a woman but I grew into and built a life as a man I rather enjoy so why risk it and cause so much pain? Compromise was my solution. Be an occasional transvestite and keep it private. I never cross-dress if the family are around, I always wait for times I will be completely alone and they will never see me in my female persona. Selfishly, I need these moments and I will admit I experience real joy and comfort at freeing my female self. I think the occasional few hours freeing this aspect of my persona is beneficial to not only me but to the whole family. I think knowing I can on occasion feel close to being a woman is a good thing. Total suppression is never going to work long term.

    After twelve years now my wife understands that I will not jeopardise our relationship so she tolerates my occasional cross-dressing sessions. The compromise is she and my daughters allow me to quietly get on with it and I am allowed to shave my legs, chest and arms and trim my eyebrows. I need to do this because when I dress as a woman I want to look female not like a man dressed up. There is a lot going on physically and emotionally and I need to feel female if I can. Of course I am deluding myself as I was born in a male body and live as a man. I have no real understanding of what it is to actually be a woman just an inner desire that can consume me on occasion. I always ensure I avoid impacting on the family’s income and avoid spending money on make-up, dresses, skirts and shoes out of these funds. I finance this independently by doing paid photoshoot’s for transvestites and producing videos on transgender issues. In effect I have compartmentalised my whole female side and keep it away from the family and it generates a small income to finance my need.For me, my wife and family come first because I know with certainty my life with them means more to me than my inner lifelong desire to be the woman I feel I really am.

    I now use transgender friendly web sites as my outlet for expressing my female side and this frees me emotionally more than I ever anticipated. I am on a vanity/reassurance trip of posting pictures and recording videos as my female self. It’s a gentle pastime now that siphons off a lot angst and fears. In fact I will admit to having a lot of fun, yet I then feel guilt about enjoying myself in the guise of a woman. it’s a loop that goes around and around but a necessary outlet for the compromise to work.

    I can say it is possible for couples and families to remain together despite one being transsexual. It is all down to compromise, perspective and avoiding being too selfish. I would recoil from ever putting my wife through the story described in your book, but that’s just me personally, others may condemn me. As I said earlier, your story has strengthened my resolve to keep my transsexualism on a managed basis as I do not want to cause further upset to the family. I have to say though I know I can not just give up on it, I do need to free my female self on occasion.

    I am glad I came across the extract from your book, harrowing though it was, it has been positive for me and heightened my awareness despite the discomfort it induced about my own behaviour.

    Helene Barclay (transvestite, in the UK)

    • Thank-you for sharing your story. Far from bring selfish it seems to me that you are trying incredibly hard to look after everyone which I respect. I wish more trans people were like that. I’m open to contact from you if you wish as I may be able to connect you with support mechanisms myself included who may help. Remember your soul has no gender so spiritually speaking the whole argument could be considered irrelevant . Peace and Love Lynne. Angelsforce@ymail.com

  18. gbh

    please accept my support for you. to be censored is enough, but to be censored for the words you choose to write on your experiences as a wife of a transsexual breaks my heart. over the past forty plus years i have been trying to come “to terms” with my brother who became my sister. there is only grief. my family never ever speaks about it. i have power of attorney and care for her, nobody will see her again. she has been paralysed for 28 years and lives in a 24 hour nursing hospital, due to the strokes and MS. we believe the diseases were triggered by years of hormone treatment. i have looked for answers to this dilemma…but the trans community is so closed, and they condemn anyone with real questions or concerns. please tell your children that they do not have to question their own identity because of this….i was 13 and felt that i was confused about what it meant to be a woman….or at that age, what it meant to become a woman…what the trans community is talking about is nonsense. there is no “feeling” of being of a woman, anymore than there is a feeling of being a brunette or a blonde. we just are. it is easier in life to accept ourselves as who we are. it is healthier in life to accept ourselves in the sex we were born with….much love and thoughts to you and your family.

  19. JLD

    I just came across your story today. It hit a nerve because i am going through a similar situation but one that is still held within our family. I am looking forward to reading the book. Being in your shoes of several years ago, I understand the confusion and fear you must have felt. My first impression is that you are amazingly courageous.

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